Coffee and TV
by sunshineyellow
Summary: Depression affects everyone, especially people who dont make much of an impression....know who I'm talking about yet?


  
  
Coffee and TV  
  
Disclaimer....you know the dreill, Squaresoft, yadda, yadda. But 'Coffee and TV' belongs to Blur and EMI Blackwood Music Inc.  
  
Authors note: Depression can strike everyone, especially when you feel like you are on the fringe of your own life. I wondered about a fringe character, Nida, and how he felt about that.  
  
  
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!  
  
Nida reluctantly opened his eyes. He'd been having such a wonderful dream, one where he'd gone to normal school and then on to EIT like his pals in Balamb. He was a famous engineer with a big house and real friends and a girl who loved him. Instead he was staring at the gray ceiling of his single SeeD dormitory. The 6:00 alarm beeped loudly and unapologetically in his ear.  
  
"Why me?" he wondered aloud. Some days were simply not worth getting out of bed. Namely, all of them. He sighed again and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Gray. Everything in his room was gray for some reason. Even the light snaking in through the blinds was gray. With a quick slice of the hand, he silenced the alarm clock. He had designed it specially so that only a violent blow could shut it off. He broke less alarm clocks that way.  
  
do you feel like a chain store?  
practically floored  
one of many zeroes   
kicked around bored  
  
The pilot wandered sleepily toward the fridge, managing to be scared by his own reflection in the process. He studied himself for a second. Medium height, somewhat skinny, longish black hair tousled by sleep, the thin wireframe glasses he'd managed not to break by falling asleep in them agian. His little sister had often remarked tht he looked like Harry Potter, whoever that was. The main thing he noticed about his reflection was how ordinary it seemed, how dull and uninteresting. He felt bland and very much like a chain store, something that's conveinent, but you never appreciate it. Maybe that's why everyone ignored him.  
  
"Eek, not even up five minutes and you start thinking about that? Stop thinking damn you!" he told himself while rifling through the fridge for some milk. He drank straight from the carton and immediately started making some coffee. There was a knock on the door.  
  
'Who on earth could that be?' Nida assesed his appeareance. His hair was shot, nothing could be done. He unrumpled his gray t-shirt and boxers and hoped to Hyne in heaven that there wasn't a girl at the door. The tent in his boxers was not exactly what he wanted to talk about at this hour.  
  
It was Squall. Alreaady perfectly pressed and looking impatient for some reason.  
  
"Ummm..hi...." Nida stared at Squall with leveled dark gray eyes. If Squall Leonheart, the guy he'd been helping with chemistry and been friendly with for ten years forgot his name again, he was going to scream and probably go on a killing spree. ' I could just say I forgot my Prozac agian, heee, hee.' Nida's little daydream was interrupted.  
  
  
"Did you hear me Nida? We need to go to Fisherman's Horizon today, as soon as possible." "Today's my sister's birthday Squall, didn't I tell you? Get Selphie to drive." Squall lookead as if he were about to roll his eyes. "Selphie's on a mission in Esthar. This Fisherman's Horizon thing is kind of an emergency, I'm sorry. After this, I'll make some time for you to train more people, okay? Thank you."And Squall was already walking down the hall. Nida sighed for the second time in his day, which comprised fifteen minutes. "Grrrrr...where's my coffee?"  
  
After a shower, some coffee and the day's dose of Prozac(im all better now!!), Nida was feeling much less murderous and now was merely bothered and miserable. So it had been as long as he could remember. Of course it had been worse without the drugs, they kept him from jumping off the second floor deck, but they didn't completely filter out the horribleness that was his life. Sometimes he didn't take them. He wondered what would happen if he didn't take them at all. Would he still be bland and unnoticeable? He had a nagging suspicion that the chemicals were stealing his soul. He picked up the phone and dialed his house while attempting to smooth his hair, to no avail.  
  
"Hey Kisa. Yeah, happy birthday! You're hella old. No, yeah, I was going to... No I gotta work. I'm sorry. I'll give you your present when I get back. Okay. No don't wake Mom. Okay. Bye." Crap. This day had gotten off to a wonderful start.   
  
your ears are full but you're empty  
holding out your heart  
to people who never really  
care how you are  
  
Two cups of coffee later, on the bridge, Nida had gotten the Garden started and was setting a course for Fisherman's Horizon. 'Gee, this is really so hard...' After setting a course he felt terribly bored. He pulled out some of the little communicators he'd been tinkering with. If he got them finished, he could patent them and be a real inventor. Not a mercenary. Why did his mom want him to be just like his dad? It really wasn't very fair. 'Dad may have liked fighting, but it makes no sense to me.' He continued tinkering with the small communication devices, occasionally glancing at the controls to make sure everything was okay. Bored..............Suddenly he heard the lift machinery. 'at least someone will play cards with me.' He thought.  
  
" I don;t see why you don't just go talk to him? He is your father." Quistis was pleading. "Biological father. If anyone's my father, it's Cid." Squall replied. "Don't be ridiculous Squall. The man really wants to talk to you. Laguna knows he can't make it up. He wants to at least be friends." Irvine noted. 'Oh helll no...the whole damn orphanage 'gang' intruding on my boredom.' Nida thought, slightly irritated. He wouldn't have minded so much if once in a while part of the conversation included him. He continued tinkering and waited for someone to notice him. "How the hell would you know? None of you have any right to talk, especially Rinoa,because she knows her dad and she won't talk to him." "Squall, now you're being stupid." Zell remarked. "....Whatever." "So what are we doing in Fisherman's Horizon anyway?"   
  
'Quistis, yes, she always steers things back to business. Zell is probably staring out the window. Irvine is actually listening to the conversation and Rinoa is playing with her hair. Squall is just now trying to remember why he came up here.' He knew these people so well. He was constantly around them. Why didn't they like him? Nida closed his eyes, trying to picture the scene behind him. In the process, he dropped his screw driver. It made a metallic clang on the floor and caused the group to suddenly look at him.  
  
  
"Oh, um, Nida, hi. Guess we forgot you were up here." Zell smiled sheepishly. 'Forgot I was up here? I'm the only one who's ever up here. The only reason any of you would come up here is to tell me to change course or something. If you came up here,then how the hell could you forget I was up here!!!!' Instead of this, Nida said something civil, something bland, befitting his outward appearance. "Oh, well, I was kind of concentrating, I didn't notice you all either." What he meant to say was, 'I would have forgotten I was up here too if you hadn't said anything.' Oh well.  
  
  
Apparently, Squall had remembered why he came up here. "Oh yeah, we're meeting the ambassador in Shumi Village now, so you should change course. That's all." The five clambered back on the lift, continuing their conversation."They must think there's a console up here, or something. How could they forget I was up here?" He sighed for the third time and set a new course, which took a few minutes. He then poured another cup of coffee to keep him from sliding into dreamland, where everyone remembered his name and appreciated all those times he'd talked to Seifer about homework to allow Squall to get back to his room unharmed after class. All those times he'd gone with Zell in the training center after the instructors told him he couldn't go alone. All those times he'd told the Trepies that Quistis was in a different place than she was. That he'd volunteered to give Selphie an orientation to Balamb Garden. That he was the one who finally managed to fish Irvine's hat out of the fountain. That he'd fixed Rinoa's Shooting Star, not once, not twice, but three times. He didn't want anything in return. He just wanted everyone to know he existed. 'That's what happens when you hold out your heart to people who never really care how you are.' he reflected. Today was really quite awful, as Kisa would say.   
  
so give me coffee and tv, easily  
I've seen so much I'm going blind  
and I'm brain dead virtually  
  
sociability  
is hard enough for me  
take me away from this big bad world  
and agree to marry me  
so we can start over agian.  
  
  
By the time they got to the Shumi village, it was linch time, and Nida was about to pass out. He bounded off the lift to the bridge and practically bounced into the elevator. He was in a decidedly better mood. "Teee hee, kevlar vests my ass Selphie!!(obscure 'The Omega' reference. pay it no mind. what the hell am i talking about? Go read it now!!!) They're done, they're done!!! In your face, Bryce, Hendrick, Jason, hahahahahaha!!! Plus I'm going to have some grape soda, whoo hoo!!" Nida was bouncing down the hallways toward the cafeteria, smiling, laughing and every so often dropping his glasses and putting them back on. Everyone in the hallway stared at him; even the jogging guy stopped. 'How odd.' Nida thought. 'Maybe if I came out of the library and bounced around like Selphie for a while, people would remember me.' This was only a passing thought; he was still ecstatic.  
  
In the cafeteria he waited in line, just barely controlling his giddyness. He ordered a grape soda, two burritos and a scoop of chocolate ice cream. 'Even though my vacation was supposed to have started today, I'll still have time to swing by the Esthar patent office. Whoo hoo! I'm gonna be rich! In two years, everyone in Garden is going to have one and they will all say 'Nida Matsuya Inc.' on them.' His big bright smile had caught the attention of the disciplinary committee.  
  
"SMILE. STRANGE. KADOWAKI INCREASE DOSAGE?" Fujin asked. "Oh honestly, no need to be so intrusive Fuu." Seifer smiled evily. "We just want to know what's making you so happy and how we can smash it." The good ole' disciplinary committee. He could always count on them to notice him. Usually once they did, they carefully set his glasses on a counter and stuffed his head in a toilet. There went his mood. He could easily bring up the time that he'd seen Seifer and Fujin skinny dipping in the fountian or when Raijin acidentally tripped the disaster alarm that had sent the whole Garden into a lock down. One thing about being unnoticed is that you see so much it could make you blind or brain dead, virtually. However he chose not to. He simply smiled and said, "I've been-a piloting all day and I'm really hungry. So as soon as I'm done, you guys can put my head in the toilet, okay?" For the second time that day, people stared in amazement at Nida Matsuya. No one ever talked that way to the disciplinary committee. Said disciplinary committee was a bit shocked by this statement and quietly left the cafeteria. Nida simply grinned and sat down.  
  
His grin faded into a look of amazement and fear when Xu sat down across from him. "That was quite the show. I always did wonder why your hair was wet in the afternoons." His heart skipped a beat. She noticed that? 'Did she also know that I stared at her for exactly 53 minutes out of every hour class we had together?' Nida blushed a little. "Well it's better than getting beat up. At least they picked the clean toilets." Xu giggled. "I didn't know that any of the toilets in Garden could be classified as 'clean'." They both giggled. 'What's happening? Am I actually having a decent conversation? Wasn't I diagnosed with acute social anxiety? Shouldn't I be running away screaming like a little girl?' These thoughts dissapated as he stared at Xu, her glowing hazel eyes and soft-looking lips. "Umm..so if you're not busy later, wanna hit the training center?" He could hardly believe the words were coming from his mouth. "Yeah, totally. how about five? Okay, I'll go sign us up. See you then!" He knew right then that he would be cured if he could keep the feeling he had right then forever.  
  
so give me coffee and tv  
easily  
ive seen so much i'm going blind   
and i'm brain dead virtually  
sociability  
is hard enough for me  
take me away from this big bad world  
and agree to marry me  
so we can start over again  
  
Back in his dorm, Nida threw clothes everywhere looking for his remote. "Aaaarrrrhgggg!! Having a hot date is no excuse to miss the Dr. Who marathon!!! " Despite all his techical know-how, Nida could not set the VCR without the remote. Looking around his recently cleaned room, he noticed that everything didn't look quite so gray anymore. Maybe it was the orangey-yellow afternoon light streaming in throught the blinds. Or maybe it was the fact that he felt better about his day. 'Yellow, that's a much better color. I should blond my tips. A cool look befitting a super mega genius inventor." He put in his contacts and looked at his watch. 2:00. That should be enough time to dye.  
  
Why he had peroxide in his bathroom he didn't know. But he did know how to use it. After borrowing some gloves and some tin foil, he was in his bathroom ,doing the deed. Using the idle time waiting for it to set, he reassessed the day. "Pro, you finished the communicators. Con, you missed Kisa's birthday party. Pro, Squall remembered your name. Con, he forgot a mere three hours later. Pro, you are going on a quasi-date with Xu. Con, you pissed off the disciplinary committee. Pro, you didn't break your glasses today. Con, you've been being self-absorbed and miserable all day for no reason. Overall advice, just stop thinking about it and go have fun!" It is good to talk to yourself sometimes.  
  
"Wow, your hair looks great!" Xu exclaimed as Nida ran to meet her in front of the training center. "Wow,you always look great!" Nida said, and then immediately ducked his head and started blushing. 'Did I just say that?' Xu only smiled, her features brightening. "Well thank you! When did you start training with a kendo staff? I thought you had a crossbow." "Well I got sick of keeping track of arrows. When did you start with the kitanas? I thought you threw knives." "I got sick of losing knives and having to carry a bunch around." They chatted companionably about weapons and about bite bugs and other random topics until the issue of SeeD came up.   
  
"Why are you in SeeD Xu? Is that a dumb question?" He looked at the back of her raven colored head, which swiveled looking for threats. "No, not dumb. I'm in SeeD....cause it's what I'm good at, you know? My talent has always been at military strategizing, and that's how I can help the world, right?" She turned and looked at him. "Why are you in SeeD Nida? You've always seemed kind of half hearted about it."Nida was a tad surpised by the turnaround and started stammering. "Well--I-I-I I don't know. My mom sent me to Garden instead of to regular school and I guess I just wanted to you know, do the whole shebang, be a SeeD, yadda, yadda. But Xu, isn't there anything else out there you want to do, something that dosen't involve hurting others?" Xu looked at Nida, into his dark gray, almost black eyes. "A wedding planner." she almost whispered. "A wedding planner?" "Yeah, if I can plan all of these troop movements and stuff, than I can plan a wedding, right? It would be so much fun to make people happy like that. What about you?" Nida didn't hesitate. "An engineer. I love messing with technology and gadgets and stuff." At this moment, a few grats decided to join the conversation. Xu sliced one into three and Nida beat the other severely about the head.  
  
Over dinner at the cafeteria, Xu re-presented the question. "So why'd you bring all that stuff up before, about outside of Garden and all. You're not going to leave, are you?" Nida looked up at her. Her face was stricken, but the dab of salad dressing on her upper lip made it look cute. "Actually.....I wasn't going to tell anyone, but I've got this fantastic invention i want to get patented. It's a new design for field communicators. They're small, they transmit on undetectable frequencies and can't be jammed. I'm going to the Esthar patent office next week. I wanted to tell you because........I really like you Xu. You're the only person I feel comfortable with around here." Xu looked unperturbed about this sudden admission. "I know that silly! I like you too! But those communicators. You can't sell them. If all the armies in the world had those, then SeeD wouldn't have any type of advantage. You can make a lot and Garden will buy them. But I can't let you sell those." Nida's heart did a flip-flop. Xu liked him, but she wouldn't let him fulfill his life dream?  
  
Next chapter........  
  
  
Author: Wow, what the hell?!!! This started off as an angsty story about how Nida gets ignored all the time, but then it got all happy, and then there was a romance and then this big ass plot twist happened and I dont know what the hell happened. Oh well, I guess im just a bad writer. Pleeeeasee review!! Save this story!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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